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Encountering refusal, notably when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a firm “Nope.” As a writer, I am no stranger to rejection. I commenced pitching manuscripts 50 years back, upon finishing university. From that point, I have had several works turned down, along with book ideas and numerous essays. During the recent two decades, focusing on op-eds, the rejections have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I receive a rejection every few days—totaling in excess of 100 annually. Overall, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. Today, I could have a PhD in handling no’s.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. As, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

How Have I Managed It?

For perspective: Now, just about each individual and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

For example: lately, a publication rejected 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before someone gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit articles less often.

The Phases of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections hurt. I took them personally. I believed my creation was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? Why would they be ignore my ability?
• Next, denial. Surely you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and their outlet stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (preferably seasoned with optimism). What does it require you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become any good.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Precedents

Certainly, I was in good company. Stories of writers whose work was at first turned down are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was originally turned down. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his youth squad. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had earlier failed in campaigns. Sylvester Stallone says that his movie pitch and desire to star were rejected 1,500 times. “I take rejection as an alarm to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I entered the last step of rejection. Understanding. Now, I more clearly see the various causes why a publisher says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or be planning one in progress, or be considering that idea for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Or is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my submission too fast to appreciate its abundant merits.

Feel free call it an awakening. Everything can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain reasons for denial are permanently not up to you.

Within Control

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my proposals may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe something about my grammar, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve published two books—my first when I was in my fifties, another, a autobiography, at 65—and in excess of 1,000 articles. My writings have appeared in newspapers large and small, in regional, worldwide sources. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to many places for half a century.

Yet, no blockbusters, no author events in bookshops, no features on TV programs, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better take no at my age, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the jolts of my setbacks. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all today.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but when you heed what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. What insights have I gained?

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